lack of emotion even in failure

I used to be a good straight edge guy but over the past couple of years that has all changed. I used to be an academic, caring about the marks I got for tests and exams. I used to be the guy who used to be close to tears just because I got an 89% for my finals instead of a 90%, but that all changed. I feel like the guy I use to be is gone, I was watching bits and pieces of myself float away into nothingness. The guy i used to be had A COMPETITIVE EDGE but now I couldn't care less.

The funny thing is that I enjoyed winning whether it was getting a high rank in class or just for self satisfaction, but when it was at a more personal level I was bored and out of tune with general society. I do not know when I changed, or what caused the change, all I know is one day I woke up and everything did not matter anymore, it was just about me living in the moment doing what I felt like when I wanted to do it, the chains had been broken and an emotionless monster was released.

I started to enjoy myself more, enjoy life, entertain people without even trying to, my game and self confidence improved. The social life was good but time was flying by and I started experiencing failures be it academic or relationships with girls who did not understand me. At times when i was not enjoying myself the general orderly structure of my life was falling apart and I did not care, I did not even feel sad anymore it was more like life sucks and I wont get anything by crying over stuff that's already a part of history.

I have always felt like I was lucky for most of my life and I like all humans am bound to run into rough batches at some point. I knew that there are people in the world out there who are far worse off than I am, and saw my failures as an opportunity to pursue my inner most desires, a chance to do what I want and see where it takes me. Sometimes my mother even shouts at me in an attempt to try and reach me, she says I don't even show emotion when most people would, but the thing is I feel but I do not show it, I have my own ways of venting in a healthy manner. I look for ways forward I do not cry over past events. The past couple of years have gone by in a flash and in that flash a new me has risen, I want to be my true self from here on in...I want to project the person I am inside and introduce the world to him, I think that only then will I get the most out of life.