wanting to find a purpose

You know I have watched thousands of movies, I have gone to church before, I have read the bible and I have been alive for just over 2 decades and i still do not understand life as we know it. I know I am still young and maybe i still have a lot of years ahead of me but I just do not get it, I do not get why we are born and why we live the way we live.

They say we have to find a purpose in life, and I'm always hearing people saying they "have found the lord" and they now know what to live for and their purpose in life. These people are always inspired somehow by something I do not understand and at times they do irritate me saying that one day I too will find the lord and my calling. To be honest at times I feel like these people are on a fine line between being sane and insane because it does not make sense to me. I am always wondering when this lord will speak to me in the metaphorical sense, I am wondering when I will see what I am supposed to do and accomplish. 

I want to one day magically wake up with a cause and reason to wake up everyday. I do not want to end my life, in fact I want to live more experience more, meet different kinds of personalities. I want to understand the human condition, I want to understand why we are so dependant on some sort of belief system, I want to understand why we have been brainwashed since birth to think in a guided manner instead of our individuality and creativity being encouraged.

Ever since I could think for myself I have stopped going to church and I have started to question the very foundation in which our society is conditioned to think and operate. Up till this point I think that the only real purpose of life is to grow up, find a mate, have offspring and eventually die. The way I see it all the other stuff you do till you die is for your own entertainment. Most of what we do in between birth and death is not by choice. Its not your choice whether you are born or not, and its also usually not your choice when you die. The only choice we have is how we live and even that is not really our choice some people are born disabled, sick, weak, smart, rich, poor and a whole lot of other conditions. Some people are born in countries with civil wars and people are born black,white or Asian  which affects how they will be treated and the opportunities they will be afforded.

The world is not a fair or safe place, it has never been that way, its a dog eat dog world, all systems devised to make sure we are never equal. Many people find a purpose fighting for peoples rights but when they succeed in  one thing another problem pops up. I do not think we are all supposed to live the same way, so I suggest you do whatever you enjoy doing because its your life, if its not normal but it makes you happy, then do it because no one has the right to tell you how to live. Enjoy the one life you have because there is only one final destination for all of us, no matter how you live your life.